We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
