I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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