I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I am spending my child support on dildos
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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