my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
