Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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