i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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