Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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