if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Ketchup is God's man juice
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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