Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
false alarm. still invincible.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
