Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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