I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
