I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
