Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
