U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
