Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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