don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
