He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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