Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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