Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
