I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
