Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
