Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
