It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
