dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i wish my penis had a tongue
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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