he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
