he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
