Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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