I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
