How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
