just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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