We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The adults are the big ones right?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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