I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
