tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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