Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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