The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
