found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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