I cannot find my penis.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We left an ass print on the piano.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Randomize
