Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
