I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
