My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
