I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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