i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
