can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
