I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
