ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Randomize
