man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
