I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
