Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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