You're so nebulous sometimes
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
pray to the hookup gods
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
