the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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