I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Found your dick twin last night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
