Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I believe in your delicious
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
