Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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